Journal

Feeling challenged.

Don’t you hate those days where nothing goes right, you’re tired, frustrated and the harder you work at something the further you seem from finishing it?

I’ve had one of those days today. The thing is, today should have been relaxing and grounding. I should’ve been focusing on my new job (instead I’ve been freaking out about it) and resting. 

Today kicked off with me forgetting to set my alarm. Thank goodness today wasn’t my first day of work! Since then it’s just felt like a snake and ladders day.

Working for yourself can mean a lot of blood, sweat and tears.

Over the last couple of weeks I’ve been working on new pieces of my photo jewellery and I’m really happy with them. It’s high quality glass with a metallic photo sealed to it. I even made earrings this time and they look really awesome.
But try as I might, I just can’t seem to take a photograph that conveys just how good they look in person. They’re deep and shimmery and change colour in the light but nothing I’ve tried can capture this.  And that is FRUSTRATING THE HELL OUT OF ME!

All my photos do is show up teeny, tiny flaws that you don’t even notice when wearing the piece but you do notice blown up on a computer screen. I mean, it’s like a diamond. Yeah, they’re rarely perfect but you don’t throw the whole thing away because there’s a minor scratch because it’s not like anyone else viewing your rock walks around with a frickin loupe do they? 

Most people would simply say in the listing that photos don’t do the piece justice. But I can’t. I feel I’ve failed. After all, I’ve trained in this. I’m qualified. My photos SHOULD do the piece justice! So I kept trying, pushing myself, making my back ache, shooting it again and again when I really should just walk away and try again on another day.

However I NEED to photograph these, I NEED to list them. I need my own money and I desperately need to make sales and try to keep people interested in my work. It’s hard as so many people are desensitised to looking at pictures online. I’ve had people say to me that they haven’t bought from me because they can just see my work online and honest or not, comments like that well they break my little heart. 

So I keep pushing myself past what is reasonable or fair (if an employer treated me the way I treat myself I’d be out the door!) only to reward myself with negative thoughts such as “Why bother, nobody’s going to buy them anyway”. Which I hope is untrue. Then there are the comments that feel exploitative – people asking me to charge less for my work or the things I make (as if I haven’t spent weeks on my pricing/creating) and feeling heartbroken and undervalued because of it.

On top of all of this I’ve been trying to bring myself to take my photo challenge pictures but quite frankly, the last thing I feel like doing right now is waiting for the battery to charge and picking up the camera again! So until I settle down and revive long enough to do so, my challenge is on a short hiatus. I’m sorry about that…I feel like I’m cheating!

But anyway, yesterday’s prompt was bokeh, so I’ll show you one of my fave bokeh shots and go try to chill out and not freak out too much about returning to work and starting a new job for the first time in years.

(If you are reading for the first time, I’m sorry. I’m usually far more upbeat than this.) 

Available to purchase from my Redbubble store.

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